Thank you for such a thoughtful response!
As always, I have to edit my stories so some of the context gets lost.
This was a guy who was not being honest with me (nor himself, I suspect).
He was a recovering alcoholic who was really focused on himself and his needs. (Which I appreciate.) He was “single by choice” — his words.
He failed to mention his sister was even pregnant much less delivering until a day or two before my trip.
I share all of that because I should have realized that this guy was NEVER going to show. He was looking for any excuse to not show up.
Very bluntly: I don’t think he was ever going to show up. His sister was just an excuse. I never realized that until this moment.
That guy was NEVER going to show up. I’m sure of that now.
In any case, at that point in my life, I just hadn’t been through enough dating experiences to read all the signs accurately.
He did say it was her third child and wasn’t that big a deal to him. He seemed to be dreading even having to show up. It was out of duty more than anything and he said he planned to drop by and then high tail it out of there.
I had given him ample opportunities to be forthright with me once I learned that the timing of the birth might coincide with our date. I made inquiries about his needs and wishes. But he evaded me.
Again, Bonnie of 2018 would have simply wished him the best AS SOON AS he shared that his sister’s delivery was going to be the same date as the show. But Bonnie in early 2016 was trying to straddle the awkward line of: needing a date, being uncertain whether he was trying to blow me off or just needing me to be accommodating by leaving the ticket at will call, AND his needs (which I had limited knowledge of).
Final note: he lives in Dallas and has a child. I live in Austin with a child. This date was just a “one-off” opportunity to get out and enjoy a concert. He was certainly not that into me and had made it pretty obvious that he didn’t plan to make any room for a woman at that point in his life.
I had just had SUCH crappy dating luck over the prior 6 months that I was excited to have a night out with a cool, cute guy. I was…delusional. I learned my lesson!
Anyway, I appreciate what you are saying Wayne. But, no, I am confident you are giving him too much credit. Truly. The fact that he did not check in with me once I got back from the show and only sent a one sentence text the following morning once he knew I was already on the road, further indicates the truth.
He dismissed me. He didn’t care about me. And he had no intention of making any sort of amends.
He was just self-absorbed, lazy, and disinterested. Not malicious, not a terrible human. Just very focused on himself (with good reason) and I feel sure that he was incapable of dating anyone at that time.
The good that comes out of this is that I’ve already had lots of talks with my son about the proper way to apologize once he starts to date!
Thanks again for reading!