For Those Interested: The Rest of the Story
Since my story was already 7 minutes long, I opted to edit some other parts out.
On our first date he shared that he was looking for someone special and a real relationship. I was very encouraged by that language. I wanted to allow this brand new relationship to breathe, so I did not press any further and simply mentioned that I was really impressed by his sentiments.
On our second (and last date) he gave me some additional information about his pending trip to France. (He had told me about this imminent trip in a few days, but that was all I knew.) He clarified that it was actually a sexcapade with a married woman (or maybe she was just living with her boyfriend). He was leaving in 3 days.
Rather than panicking or making assumptions about his character, I wished him a fabulous trip. (Granted, I’m not sure why he decided to go online 2 weeks before this trip. It might have been better to wait until he returned.) But I appreciated his honesty.
However, between his impending trip AND his additional comments during our second date about just getting back online, I began to see some behavior/language that indicated he was probably not really looking for a more serious commitment and “special someone.” It was at that point that I opted to clarify my own needs.
My story, of course, conveys his response.
This story does not mention other situations I have been in: the time a guy asked me to make a sex tape with him after our third date. There was no 4th date.
Or the time that I went out with someone about 4 or 5 times. He then called it off because he needed an S&M relationship that degraded me.
Those are just a small handful of the sexual interactions that I have been subjected to. It is not simply one or two interactions, but the accumulation of YEARS of being treated to these upsetting interactions that has led to my being so upfront.
Trust me. There is a part of me that wishes I could be more cavalier with my heart. That sex was meaningless to me. That I could see my degradation as empowering. That being asked if I am looking for a dom (repeatedly, the doms love me); being propositioned for sex; being blocked and ignored when someone asks me “what I’m looking for” and I respond that I am not looking for a hook-up; and/or being told that I’m lucky to have a stranger soliciting a FWB situation with me…that I could see these things as flattering.
But I’m simply not that woman.
My heart has been hurt repeatedly during this process. And yet I still put myself out there.
You may not see me as courageous. You may not see any bravery.
That is fine.
Thank you for reading and responding.