Oh, geez. I hate clapping for this!
This might be the absolutely wrong thing to say/admit: I’m not diminishing the role of internal self-worth and value. But for me, I feel better if I am wearing something nice, have styled my hair…have put some effort into my appearance.
I guess I’m saying that I don’t see why it’s wrong to address your hair and make-up to give yourself an emotional boost. Those seem like less overwhelming things to address than the weight issue. (I truly hope I am not coming across the wrong way. It’s meant to be supportive, but I’m cringing as I type this because I fear I sound like a know-it-all.)
It’s also my (feeble/inept?) attempt at reassuring you that someone who does not suffer from mental illness finds confidence/lack of confidence via her appearance. A piece of my self-worth is tied to my appearance and I’m cool with that. It doesn’t haunt me. (I recognize that my insecurities are not preventing me from looking in the mirror or are keeping me from living my life. That’s an important distinction and obviously I am enormously saddened for you that you realize today that you feel a profound decrease in your appearance/self-worth in the past 6 months.)
I know that you want to tackle the bigger issues: your self-esteem, weight, and overall health. But making small changes that might be less overwhelming seems like a smart way to feel better about yourself as you address the more complex issues.
I suppose that’s my way of saying: Take it step-by-step, whatever those steps might look like for you!
I wish I had more sound, competent advice. But I also recognize that your writing is a vehicle for you to maneuver through your emotions and feelings.
Most importantly: I’m thinking of you and wishing you clarity, peace, and joy!