I try to educate myself on the dating realm for both sexes. I believe that dating is difficult for most people. And I’m interested, in general, about the repercussions of the dating challenges of this era.

I suppose this is my way of saying that I feel that I am fairly versed on the loneliness of many different types of people: people like myself, my guy friends, my female friends, and people who aren’t necessarily exactly like me.

In my dating experience I can say that the guys I wrote about…well, two had been married previously and one had been engaged. All of them were actively dating. Neither of the three asked me out again. I presume the lack of interest was more or less mutual.

Your comment gave me pause: had I dated truly lonely men? I suppose it depends on your definition of lonely and dismissed.

Were the three men I wrote about lonely? I have no idea.

I mean, very technically, I’m lonely and have been dismissed. But I would never ask for anyone’s sympathy regarding that. I write about my loneliness occasionally here on Medium because I know others feel the same way.

On the other hand, I’ve never dated guys who weren’t actively dating other women (by which I mean, were active on dating apps) or hadn’t dated some in the past. Of course, they could have been lying to me and it’s possible they had had very few dates. It’s impossible for me to know.

As for the spark, I don’t actually call it that. I guess I’m more likely to call it attraction or chemistry. I certainly want to feel attraction, some heat/passion, but I’m not expecting to be swept off my feet. That pull is either there or it’s not. In terms of attraction, it’s not about what a guy can do for me or something he needs to work harder at per se. It exists. Or it does not.

Many thanks for reading, Matt G (Unwasted Mind).

Queen of mixtapes. Lover of music, travel, and fashion. Authentic sharer of life lessons and dating foibles.

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