I wrote something similar on FB (in an attempt to share honesty with my friends who are recently divorced or contemplating divorce — rather than as an attempt at over-sharing). In some ways I am healed from certain aspects of my divorce. In other ways, the “cure” to becoming more confident in dating and in relationships has only made me more damaged. The ghosting, the cruelty, the lies, the confusion. Sadly, folks in their late 30s/40s are universally damaged. Some have done their homework, but many have not. Some don’t even know there is work to be done. Others couldn’t care less. I have to take breaks from dating to cope with the uncertainty of it all. But I haven’t taken up knitting nor acquired 20 cats yet. I stave off the bitterness on one end of the spectrum while simultaneously not shutting myself off. It’s a tough balancing act that often finds me without a net. I ramble. My point: this really resonated with me and hopefully that knowledge brings a tiny amount of solace.