I would say that once I match/interact with a guy that I would like to meet, I have done about 70–80% of the initiating of texting, asking out, and following-up with guys I was interested in. That approach has led to more second dates but not led to any additional effort by the vast majority of guys I have gone out with and things have typically quickly fizzled out.

(I have never slept with anyone on a first or second date — heck, or a third for that matter. It’s cool if others are into casual sex, but I am not. I am upfront about that.)

My new approach of allowing things to breathe a bit more, being more relaxed in how quickly I see guys again, and allowing them the opportunity to initiate more hasn’t led to the results I think my therapist and guy friends have hoped for, but c’est la vie.

Frankly, I have seen no difference in how guys treat me other than having even fewer dates since I am no longer asking guys out as frequently as I have in the past.

To be clear: I have asked out so many guys, I couldn’t even quantify the number. 50? It’s quite a few. It’s always shocking to me that people presume I would never ask a man out. Quite the contrary.

Thank you for reading.

Queen of mixtapes. Lover of music, travel, and fashion. Authentic sharer of life lessons and dating foibles.

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