A Very Understanding Girl
She rushed home from her errands. She hadn’t eaten anything all day, but she didn’t want to be late. She grabbed the tiniest snack and turned on the shower. She knew she was cutting it close, but got ready as quickly as she could.
She lit candles, turned on music, and quickly straightened the house. She ran back upstairs and finished getting ready.
She mocked herself for being a typical chick — dissatisfied with her first outfit, she tossed it on the floor, and pulled out the long black dress that’s effortlessly sexy.
Only 5 minutes late!
She thought about eating, but had already brushed her teeth. Maybe vacuum, something productive? No, not enough time. He’d be there any minute.
When he was 20 minutes late, she finally grew concerned. Their time was already so limited.
Oh. He hadn’t even left yet. His office is so far. Perhaps she needed to prepare herself emotionally for the disappointment that he wouldn’t come after all.
She heard nothing else.
What to do?
She tried to wait patiently in her long black dress.
At what point does she look like a fool, like a doormat?
She wasn’t positive, but she was pretty sure she’d crossed that point already.
When was the last time she was stood up?
Not since college. By that crazy Alpha Tau Omega frat boy. He stood her up to buy some random dudes some beer.
Hmmm…she hadn’t even had anyone online do this to her.
She pulled the black dress over her head and grabbed her clothes from earlier.
The one advantage of never really eating: rationalizing some take out.
But by that point she had lost her appetite. She felt sad and sick and confused and stupid and was fighting tears.
They would come. But she knew she needed to fight them a little longer.
She made it back to her car with her dinner.
Now they could come.
They were unavoidable. But also felt weak and ridiculous.
She made it home and really cried.
She knew he meant it, that his apology was sincere. But how could she have a good evening?
She ate her dinner, got some school work done, and alternated between feeling numb and feeling sad.
Surely she can understand.
Yes. She’s very fucking understanding.
But she’s really tired of being understanding, too.
She’s been understanding her whole life.
Why couldn’t someone be understanding of her?
He didn’t know that she had some important things on her mind.
But they weren’t the kind of things you text.
So now they go unsaid.
And she cries again.
And knows that she’ll wake up tomorrow and summon the energy to be understanding yet again.
Isn’t that what she always does?
Bonnie was off the dating market from 1998 (when she met her now ex-husband) till early 2014. She has been online dating on-and-off for almost 5 years. She has gone out on at least 100 first dates, interacted with over 1000 guys, and reviewed at least 10000 profiles. If there was a Masters in Online Dating, Bonnie’s earned it. This means: (1) That Bonnie is a failure at dating AND (2) She’s accumulated a lot of experiences and knowledge about the dating landscape for middle-aged chicks in Austin.
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